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Blog Post 9: Revising with Williams

Find a three or so sentence passage in one of the EMU Catalogs that is an example of particularly bad writing and revise the sentences according to the advice offered in the first part of Joseph Williams’ Style: Toward Clarity and Grace. (It will not be hard to find an example of “turgid” writing in the catalog, believe me).  In your blog posting, be sure to provide the “original” sentences, your revision, and a brief (200 or so word) explanation as to why you revised the passages in the way that you did.

Keep in mind that the goal of this exercise is not to merely re-write a bad piece of writing; rather, the goal is to apply the advice offered by Williams in the first five chapters of his book. As appropriate, cite the rules and explanations that Williams gives in your brief explanation of your revisions. Last but not least, be sure to not change the meaning of the passage with your revision.